FP #185: How the Past Can Power Your Present – James Krehbiel with James Rick

James is a licensed professional counselor and a nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist and author of Troubled Childhood, Triumphant Life – Healing from the Battle Scars of Youth. He offers solutions to assist adults in overcoming the perils of the past by bringing to the surface the source of their struggles – their childhood assumptions and interpretations.

James’ own childhood was a very troubled one, having come from a family with an alcoholic father. He learned a lot of coping skills but found out that they work effectively for children but not for adults. In this interview, he talks about how he makes his patients understand that their emotional issues can be traced back to their parents’ lack of parenting skills and not to their own incompetence.

WHAT CHILDREN ASSUME ABOUT THEIR PARENTS

• Children assume their parents will turn into the loving, caring adults they’re supposed to be but, in many cases, this doesn’t happen

HOW ADULTS CAN HEAL FROM THEIR TROUBLED CHILDHOOD

1. ACCEPT EVEN WHILE YOU GRIEVE – Accept the fact that your parents were not harming you on purpose. It’s that they were using the wrong strategies since they didn’t know any better
2. FERRET OUT THOSE CORE ASSUMPTIONS – this may be very hard to do because

-     You have long been emotionally bonded to them

-     You may have developed survival skills that serve as your emotional shield against what you fear as attacks

3. DON’T BE IN DENIAL OR LET YOUR PARENTS OFF THE HOOK -  This is a strategy that will minimize the pain
4. SHIFT YOUR EXPECTATION FROM YOUR PARENTS TO YOURSELF – this is what will make you move forward

JAMES’ PRACTICAL ADVICE TO START HEALING

• WRITE A LETTER – this is to get in touch with your feelings (not to be delivered)

-     Share all your emotions regarding your parents: if they’re abusive, difficult to deal with, your adverse experiences with them, etc.

a. This will get your feelings into your heart and out of your head as you experience the full impact of what you experienced as a child

b. This will flush out your emotional scars

     b1.  You will be able to work out your relationships

            … You can set better boundaries with people

            … You will become more assertive and empowered

     b2.  Paradoxically, you will also have a better relationship with your parents

You can learn more about healing the perils of your past by going to James’ website at ScottsdaleTherapy.net. He is giving away 3 autographed hard copies of his book, Troubled Childhood, Triumphant Life – Healing from the Battle Scars of Youth, to the first 3 responders who will send him an e-mail at jkboardroomsuites@yahoo.com. Otherwise, you can get his book at Amazon.com, Barnes&Noble.com, or other bookstores.

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