FP #152: How to Work with Challenging Teens – Lori Vann with James Rick

The field of psychology is now discovering that children’s tantrums and teen-agers’ rebellious acts are a form of communication that should not be ignored or dismissed if we want these youngsters to grow up as emotionally-sound adults.

Lori is an expert in teen development and has been nicknamed “Teen Whisperer” for her ability to work with challenging teen cases, including severe ones like those who are cutting themselves. She tries to understand what they are going through and the message they’re trying to say. She has made it her passion to help these teen-agers by counseling them as well as their parents.

Highlights from the interview:

WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT  SELF-INJURY

• It’s an unhealthy coping skill to a strong, painful emotion.

• It’s some people’s strategy to release emotion.

• It’s a form of communication.

• It’s not a suicide attempt, often just a precursor to it.

WHAT PARENTS SHOULD UNDERSTAND AND HOW THEY SHOULD REACT

• Parents, or healthcare providers, should understand that their reaction to the injury can either

-           exacerbate it and make it go under the ground, or

-           change the course to a positive direction.

• Parents should not take it as a personal affront to them.

• They should not respond with anger, become accusatory or blame the child.

• Instead, parents should listen to what their children are trying to communicate.

• They should take a more accepting approach, remain non-judgmental, calm and open.

-          Take a deep breath and check your emotions before you approach your child.

• They should take the stance of being curious of why self-injury is the strategy of choice.

• They should encourage their kids to explore healthier forms of communication.

• They should refrain from comparing their children to what they consider as role models so the children won’t feel that their emotions are being dismissed; this may shut them down.

ADVICE TO THOSE WHO USE SELF-INJURY AS A FORM OF COMMUNICATION

• Learn proper communication skills.

• You should realize that you can’t stop your emotions or expect them to go away.

• Learn to be assertive and not deny what you’re thinking or feeling, and don’t undermine yourself.

• Recognize that you are seeking a way of feeling in control of your environment and your experiences.

• Seek counseling or find someone who can guide you.

FINAL THOUGHTS

• You can only control yourself, nothing else and no one else.

If you have troubled teens in the family, you can reach out to Lori at LoriVann.com or at LoriVannCounseling.com where you’ll find lots of resources on helping teens with emotional trauma.

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