FP #81: Daughter w Aspergers Syndrome Teaches Mother the Art of Joyful Zen – Vicki Kallman with James Rick

After Vicki had three boys, she adopted a little girl from Korea and her world changed forever.

Right from the start she notices that something is different about her little girl. The doctors diagnose it as ACS (Adopted Child Syndrome) – a condition where the child has a hard time adapting socially to her new family, friends and overall environment. But over the next 23 years, the condition does not get any better. Her daughter has a hard time connecting with kids socially. She wants to fit in but she doesn’t quite connect emotionally or “get” the subtle nuances of social interaction. She exhausts herself emotionally trying to put on a facade and has many dark days.

Vicki Kallman depletes herself emotionally trying to make the change for her child, and one day she decides to let go of expectation. She explains it as “letting go with love and giving it to God”.  And this, she says – is the art of joyful zen. By letting go, she could then work on making herself happier.

We all have expectations. Expectations for ourselves and expectations for others. When we expect great things for ourselves, we very often realize them precisely because we have control over what we do. But when we have expectations for others, we are very often disappointed and unhappy since we have NO control over what others do. In fact, expectations for things we have no control over is perhaps our greatest source of unhappiness and disappointment.

Vicki’s daughter needed the freedom to discover things for herself. In fact, it was her daughter that discovered she had been misdiagnosed with Adopted Child Syndrome when in fact she had Aspergers Syndrome, which is a form of high-functioning autism.

According to Wikipedia:

Asperger syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder that is characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction, along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests. It differs from other autism spectrum disorders by its relative preservation of linguistic and cognitive development. Although not required for diagnosis, physical clumsiness and atypical use of language are frequently reported.

With this new diagnosis, Vicki realized that instead of setting unrealistic expectations for her daughter, she could relax and help her realize her full potential from where she was – whatever that might be for her.

The art of joyful zen is realizing that all change begins with you. All expectations should be set only for yourself. Afterall, you can only control yourself. If people or events turn out the way you expect – consider it a bonus! By letting go with love, like Vicki’s experience in helping her daughter pick out her wedding dress, you might be surprised that things can turn out better than you expect.

To learn more about Vicki Kallman and how to live a life of Joyful Zen, visit Joyfulzen.com